Unbelievable

I know a part of me is over you. But,  I just coulfn't believe you could do that to me. You, of all people, would do that to me.

How could you?

Why would you?

A Lie, A Stranger

You were a lie.

At first, I wanted to believe that you still had that goodness inside of you. But, last Saturday, when I just needed someone to listen to me. I was desperate for someone who hasn't heard my drama yet. I took the risk of trying to share with you what was I was going through. Instead of asking me how I felt after sharing a bit with you about it, you told me to stop, "Just stop it, E. Stop."

Do you really think I was that desperate to use someone, who I know would always be there for me, to get you back? On hindsight, at least you're aware how much you've hurt me. But, really you think you're more important than her? Do you really think that the pain you've left me is more significant than the pain of seeing my own Mama's health deteriorating as days go by? That, she might give up anytime soon. No, T. I have loved you, and I still do. But, your reaction made me feel like I didn't know you, like you're a terribly different person.

You're now a stranger.

Thank You

This has got to be one of the worst weeks of my life, on hindsight the first day of September was already shaky. I will not elaborate on what exactly transpired this week as all of you already know what happened. I'll probably look back at this with a slight chuckle because I've really gone cheesy and emotional but I just want to show you, that embarrassing as this may seem, this is how thankful I am despite the circumstances.

Yes, I lost someone whom I thought would mean everything to me, because I witnessed it myself, that I would have also meant everything to her. Our story was 10 years in the making, but I guess it was just not meant to be because for the second time, we did not have perfect timing, and truth be told, she realized that she was not yet ready for me. And during that time, in just one month, I believed that true love existed. 

I may have lost someone I love for reasons I still can't comprehend (I just want to doubt her and believe that everything was a lie), but I gained a lot of friends. And I didn't just discover friends who got my back, but I also discovered that true love could also exist among friends. I've not known most of them for years. We did not meet way back, like 10 years ago, because most of them, I just met this year. And the more interesting part is, I met these people through attending Hiphop classes. :) 

Thank you B, N, R and A, for spending time with me and for tirelessly listening to my heartaches and pains, and especially for last night when I couldn't control myself anymore from crying. I never imagined that you guys would make me feel this loved. 

I may have lost the love of one person but I gained the love of many. I will give you the weekend to rest from hearing from me because I'll be spending time my sister, who for the first time I'm seeking comfort from. I know two of you have already invited me to go out and it was much appreciated by my broken heart. 

T, losing you has given me the chance to gain more in life by letting me discover that true love  only didn't exist between the two of us, but also with these people who I know will be there for me 'til the end. 

An Open Letter To You-Who-Is-Not-Worth-Naming

Dear you-who-is-not-worth-naming, 

You do not have the right to say those things to me, or to anyone for that matter. I've been badly wanting to answer back to each and every single awful thing you said but I am beyond that. You've told me so many times that I've been nothing but good to you, but what do you do in return? Say the meanest things no one has ever said to me. 

Why are you that mad at me? Is it really because of the money that you knew I was going to return even if it meant you needed to wait for a while? Or is it because you no longer have that hold on me? 

People move on. People learn. People grow up. People stop acting stupidly especially when they begin to realize that the person they were trying to chase has already been caught by someone else, 7 months ago. 

Yes you did warn me, but you never told me you were already someone else's gf a few weeks after we started dating. Now I know why you'd always tell me that it's okay for me to date other girls. I was just another girl whom you were dating while your gf wasn't here.  

And when I have finally learned to let go of you, by allowing myself to see someone else, you act violently and say awful things to me. I'm sorry honey, but been there, done that. 

I still wish you well and hopefully in the future we will see past these things, that seem to make us fight every single week. I am tired and I believe that we could use some break from all the bickering. Besides, our story was short and you've left me with nothing but lies. So it's just fitting that I pretend you never existed in my life, for now. I don't like holding grudges for so long but I never forget. Good luck with life, E!

Twitter

Twitter is like a venom.

Bienvenue!

I have learned that in life, practice always makes perfect. So here I am, trying to put my thoughts in to writing for a second time. Writing has been this talent of mine, I believe, that I have been suppressing rfor fear of my work being criticized. I guess it's safe to say that I am afraid of criticisms, but I guess one of the advantages of blogging is if you do not want to read the comments, then its just a click away . But this year, I took that great leap, no pun intended, of diving into writing, with both feet hitting the writing pool at the same time. The beginning of the year always smells of idealistic plans and with me not so long ago turning 26 years old, I have come to realize that I should make opportunities for myself because life gets shorter as time passes by when you wait for something to happen. Like hoping you would win the lottery someday. Sometimes you might expect posts that contain flowery words, but please bear with me as I my mood tends to be fickle at times and I am still finding that writing tone I will be most comfortable with. 

So here's to another shot at putting my thoughts into words.